If you really knew me..

you'd know my favorite color is blue, baby blue to be exact.

you'd know that I am deathly afraid of sharks, but I still want to swim with them someday.

you'd know that it's hard for me to really trust someone, because I don't even trust myself.

you'd know that I am forgiving. Too forgiving actually. It's kind of a weakness of mine

you'd know that I love weddings, and to see the grooms face when he sees his bride.

you'd know that I have to make L shapes with my hands to remember my right and left

you'd know that my younger brother is my best friend

you'd know that I over think situations way too much

you'd know that I am scared to get married, because I'm afraid of how it will end.

you'd know that I haven't fully forgiven my parents

you'd know that I hate the mistakes I have made and I want so badly to change.

you'd know that when there is an awkward silence I usually hum random songs or make up my own so there isn't silence.

you'd know that I actually do like high school, and am going to miss all the dumb fights and week long crushes.

you'd know I want to grow up, I just don't want to responsibilities

you'd know that I honestly hate speaking in public.

Starting Now!

I hope I make something out of myself one day. I hope I don't just end up like the rest of them. I want to be remembered. I want to be the one who always stood on by themselves, but yet was so strong. Maybe I will. I wil be the best, even though I have made mistakes I can learn and become someone, that someone else would look up to. I can do it.

ordinary.

A family with a very ordinary life. Goes to work and school everyday, eats dinner, goes to bed, the same time everyday. Nothing new. Until the youngest daughter was digging in the sandbox in the backyard and found this black goopy stuff. She went and told her mom and come to find out they have millions and millions of dollars worth of oil, right in their backyard.


What are they going to do with all the money?

Did the daughter save this family from dying an ordinary life?

Or will they just go back to being ordinary and boring?

Might as Well.

I cannot belive we graduate in less than a month. It still doesnt even feel like high school has started. It went by so fast. Now I have to plan out my life. I have to get a job and grow up. I hate it. I mean I guess I want to move out and be on my own, but who wants to go to work all day and pay for their own bills. ahh man I wish I could just have some wealthy distant cousin of mine die and give me all his money. Just kidding that sounded shallow. But really. Anywho I am scared to get old. But excited at the same time. People say these are the best years. So might as well live it up and figure out what I want to do. Not what my mom wants me to do. Peace.

ohh just another day of listening

"huh.. weird."

"I'm going to have a lot of books in my house when I'm older, so it looks like I'm smart. S-M-A-R-T."

"I was going to say something funny"

"Soo dumb"

Money money money

Why can't everyone just share, why do we need money?

 If someone wants a big house, or a nice car isn't that okay?

 There is too much greed in this world.

1 Ticket to Despiciple Me please.

I absolutely love Dispiciple Me. It is made for so many age groups. It just shows that even if you are the biggest and the baddest that there are things that can soften your heart to make you actually care. To make you want to change and be a better YOU! This is a must see, so if you are in the mood for a good laugh here you go!

"Forever And Always"

She's sitting at the table, the hours get later
He was supposed to be here
She's sure he would have called
She waits a little longer, there's no one in the driveway
No one's said they've seen him
Why, is something wrong?
She looks back to the window
Suddenly the phone rings
A voice says something's happened
That she should come right now
Her mind goes to December
She thinks of when he asked her
He bent down on his knees first
And he said

I want you forever, forever and always
Through the good and the bad and the ugly
We'll grow old together
Forever and always

She pulls up to the entrance
She walks right to the front desk
They lead her down a million halls, a maze that's never ending
They talk about what happened but she can barely hear them
She tries to keep a straight face as she walks into the room
She sits by his bedside, holds his hand too tight
They talk about the kids they're gonna have and the good life
The house on the hillside, where they would stay

Stay there forever, forever and always
Through the good and the bad and the ugly
We'll grow old together, and always remember
Whether rich or for poor or for better
We'll still love each other, forever and always

Then she gets an idea and calls in the nurses
Brings up the chaplain and he says a couple verses
She borrows some rings from the couple next door
Everybody's laughing as the tears fall on the floor
She looks into his eyes, and she says

I want you forever, forever and always
Through the good and the bad and the ugly
We'll grow old together, and always remember
Whether happy or sad or whatever
We'll still love each other, forever and always
Forever and always, forever and always

She finishes the vows but the beeps are getting too slow
His voice is almost too low
As he says, I love you forever, forever and always
Please just remember even if I'm not there
I'll always love you, forever and always

Every Little One.

Rhythm

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You’re on your own.
And you know what you know.
You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
~ Dr Seuss

Dr Suess has always had fun poems to read. He was so creative and simple. It wasnt too little but it wasn't ever too much. I wish I could write like him and open up my creative part of my brain and just let it flow.

Warm Summer Day.

Remember that day when we got in your car and just drove. We drove until we hit the top, top of the world it felt like. I was soaking up your smile, and taking in your laughs. We watched the sunset and danced to our song. Remember when you let me wear your jacket and you took pictures of me, and told me how beautiful I looked?

I remember.

Some of the best times were with you. You're big dreams of going places I never thought were possible. You're ambition to be something big, and never giving up until you reached it. You inspired me. You made me feel like I could do whatever I wanted. I could be anyone. You helped me grow, you showed me love, and you gave me friendship. You made me feel like I was something again. I was something to you, and you are the world to me.

Courage

Courage can make or break you. If one of us had the courage to stand up to someone, or had the courage to tell that friend how much we really cared about them, maybe they would still be here. Maybe if we had the courage to be ourselves and not everyone else, we would all get along better.

To me, courage says a lot about someone's character. Someone who has courage is willing and kind. They will do what is right even when the pressure is high.

Courage can open up so many doors, and brighten so many lives.

Stand.

This song got me through a lot.

You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand
Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place.

-Rascal Flatts

What I want.

What kind of person am I?

What do I really want to do?

 Why do I do things that I don't have any interest in?

 I ask myself these questions all the time.


I want to do what ever the heck I want and I am not wasting my time taking classes that I have no interest in.

I want to travel the world, experience new things, meet crazy people, and serve people that have less than me. But in order to do that I have to have money, a college degree, and the "scores" in order for anyone to take me seriously. It sucks really.

Because this is the one shot I have and if i have to do things are don't make me happy why do I have to do them. Yeah I know that sounds kind of bratty and you have to do things you don't want to do blah blah blah, but I don't want to waste my time. I don't want to do something for the rest of my life I hate. I don't want to have a regret of not doing something. I want to be me, not try and live anybody else's life.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I may not show it, but I have many fears.

I fear letting someone in, close enough to be able to hurt me.

I fear not living up to my expectations, and being a nobody.

I fear being forgotten by the ones I love.

I fear the unknown. Not being able to see whats beneath you when you are in the ocean.

I fear death. What if the knowledge i've grown up with isn't true and it's just the end?

Everyone has fears, but by conquering your fears you will become a stronger person.

That's why I won't let anyone in unless I know they won't hurt me.

I try my hardest to try to be the best me I can and stick with my goals.

I will try to keep in contact and love the ones I love.

Death. Death is a scary thing that I can't prevent so I will make my life the best so I will have no regrets when its here.

As for the unknown, that is something that will take time to conquer.

Never Never Land

Remember when we were younger and all you had to think about was who you were going to hang out with at recess. You had all the friends in the world because you didn't care about what others looked like or how they acted, everyone was your friend.

We all grew up and now we still have friends, but only those certain ones because everyone else lame. We Go to school everyday and it keeps getting harder and harder. We get hired and work just to earn some extra cash to pay for the gas for the beater car we drive around. We fight with our parents for being so protective and not letting us "live our own life." We have no responsibilities, but to show up on time.

And then we Graduate. We will have rent, insurance, cell phone bill, school, food, books, and many more things we have to pay for, that we don't ever think about. It all just seems so much. 

So if you need me i'll be with Peter, in Never Never Land

Things to Ponder.

When it's winter time, you want summer. When it's Summer you want winter. If you have long hair you want short hair. If you have brown eyes, you want blue. If you have have long legs you want short. Crazy how much you want something when you don't have it, but if you have it, you take it for granted.

 How do you know that what you have is something you can't live without, if you have never lived without it?

 How do you know you that you have everything when you've never had nothing?

People never know how good they have it until it's gone. So love the ones you have, and forgive the ones that did you wrong. Life is too short to worry about things that don't matter, or people that don't care, for that matter. Be the best you can be and don't regret anything, if you do brush it off and start over.

Status update: Thinking about you.

I think about you like pictures think about memories,
Like dogs think about sniffing,
Like stairs think about climbing,
Like printers think about printing.
I think about you like fat kids think about cake,
Like cows think about pies,
Like pies think about window seals,
And windows think about birds,
And birds think about worms,
And worms think about dirt,
And dirt thinks about being clean enough to be inside.
I think about you like a calculator thinks about calculating.
I think about you like small talk thinks about awkward moments,
Like awkward moments think about silence,
And silence thinks about soothing,
And soothing thinks about meditation,
And meditation thinks about yoga,
And yoga thinks about spandex,
And spandex thinks about people who should never ever wear it.
I think about you like Hollywood thinks about fame,
And fame thinks about money,
And money thinks about wanting happiness,
And Happiness thinks about love.
I think about you.

One day its not going to be about how many friends you have its going to be about the few true friends who stuck with you.
Highschool is a tough place. I feel like there are more two faced people than there are real people. Everyone is so worried bout being the most popular, the prettiest, the one on top, that they forget that people have feelings. They will say and do whatever they want to be "cool". But really, they aren't. They are going to look back on highschool and wish they would have kept those few true friends, who had their back through everything and put up with their crap. But instead they tumble and blend in with the rest of the highschool community.
Drama. That is the definition of highschool.

"What is love, baby don't hurt me."

Isn't that something we are all scared of when falling "in love." Love is a confusing thing, but at the same time it is so simple. So simple that the world needs to complicate, twist, and manipulate it. Love is so much more than what the world makes it seem. Love is something that can make miracles happen. Someone close to me had this to say about love. "Love is caring about the happiness, needs, and even wants of someone else before your own. A bond that gets you through the hard times and makes the good times better. A feeling that has to be nurtured and cared for with tenderness and compassion or it will die. Being able to tell someone what they need to hear, not just what they want to hear, without having to fear the repercussions. Seeing someone for who they are and wanting to be with them anyway. It gives you the highest highs and can also give you the lowest lows. It is passionate, alive, scarlet, demanding, and worthy of sacrifice. It is more often imitated and may not always be returned."

  Let's see, I chose Noah Calhoun as my pen name because, not only is he a very gorgeous man, he was real and didnt try to be or want to be someone else. He was a hard worker, and just happened to be the most romantic man in town. He lost the one he loved but it didn't break him, it made him stronger. He knew what made him happy, and what he wanted so he gave it his all. Yeah, I know I am kind of weird for choosing a guy, when I am a girl, but the Notebook is my favorite movie and Noah is dead sexy, so why not?
 
I am definitely not perfect, but I try. I have been through a lot in my life, but I'm grateful for it. It has shaped me into the person I am today. It has prepared me for real life. I would like to consider myself a caring person. My friends tell me I am too nice and need to be mean sometimes, but why not just be nice to everyone? My favorite color is baby blue, and I want to buy a Volkswagon van and become a bum on the beach in California.