Stand.

This song got me through a lot.

You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand
Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place.

-Rascal Flatts

What I want.

What kind of person am I?

What do I really want to do?

 Why do I do things that I don't have any interest in?

 I ask myself these questions all the time.


I want to do what ever the heck I want and I am not wasting my time taking classes that I have no interest in.

I want to travel the world, experience new things, meet crazy people, and serve people that have less than me. But in order to do that I have to have money, a college degree, and the "scores" in order for anyone to take me seriously. It sucks really.

Because this is the one shot I have and if i have to do things are don't make me happy why do I have to do them. Yeah I know that sounds kind of bratty and you have to do things you don't want to do blah blah blah, but I don't want to waste my time. I don't want to do something for the rest of my life I hate. I don't want to have a regret of not doing something. I want to be me, not try and live anybody else's life.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I may not show it, but I have many fears.

I fear letting someone in, close enough to be able to hurt me.

I fear not living up to my expectations, and being a nobody.

I fear being forgotten by the ones I love.

I fear the unknown. Not being able to see whats beneath you when you are in the ocean.

I fear death. What if the knowledge i've grown up with isn't true and it's just the end?

Everyone has fears, but by conquering your fears you will become a stronger person.

That's why I won't let anyone in unless I know they won't hurt me.

I try my hardest to try to be the best me I can and stick with my goals.

I will try to keep in contact and love the ones I love.

Death. Death is a scary thing that I can't prevent so I will make my life the best so I will have no regrets when its here.

As for the unknown, that is something that will take time to conquer.

Never Never Land

Remember when we were younger and all you had to think about was who you were going to hang out with at recess. You had all the friends in the world because you didn't care about what others looked like or how they acted, everyone was your friend.

We all grew up and now we still have friends, but only those certain ones because everyone else lame. We Go to school everyday and it keeps getting harder and harder. We get hired and work just to earn some extra cash to pay for the gas for the beater car we drive around. We fight with our parents for being so protective and not letting us "live our own life." We have no responsibilities, but to show up on time.

And then we Graduate. We will have rent, insurance, cell phone bill, school, food, books, and many more things we have to pay for, that we don't ever think about. It all just seems so much. 

So if you need me i'll be with Peter, in Never Never Land

Things to Ponder.

When it's winter time, you want summer. When it's Summer you want winter. If you have long hair you want short hair. If you have brown eyes, you want blue. If you have have long legs you want short. Crazy how much you want something when you don't have it, but if you have it, you take it for granted.

 How do you know that what you have is something you can't live without, if you have never lived without it?

 How do you know you that you have everything when you've never had nothing?

People never know how good they have it until it's gone. So love the ones you have, and forgive the ones that did you wrong. Life is too short to worry about things that don't matter, or people that don't care, for that matter. Be the best you can be and don't regret anything, if you do brush it off and start over.

Status update: Thinking about you.

I think about you like pictures think about memories,
Like dogs think about sniffing,
Like stairs think about climbing,
Like printers think about printing.
I think about you like fat kids think about cake,
Like cows think about pies,
Like pies think about window seals,
And windows think about birds,
And birds think about worms,
And worms think about dirt,
And dirt thinks about being clean enough to be inside.
I think about you like a calculator thinks about calculating.
I think about you like small talk thinks about awkward moments,
Like awkward moments think about silence,
And silence thinks about soothing,
And soothing thinks about meditation,
And meditation thinks about yoga,
And yoga thinks about spandex,
And spandex thinks about people who should never ever wear it.
I think about you like Hollywood thinks about fame,
And fame thinks about money,
And money thinks about wanting happiness,
And Happiness thinks about love.
I think about you.

One day its not going to be about how many friends you have its going to be about the few true friends who stuck with you.
Highschool is a tough place. I feel like there are more two faced people than there are real people. Everyone is so worried bout being the most popular, the prettiest, the one on top, that they forget that people have feelings. They will say and do whatever they want to be "cool". But really, they aren't. They are going to look back on highschool and wish they would have kept those few true friends, who had their back through everything and put up with their crap. But instead they tumble and blend in with the rest of the highschool community.
Drama. That is the definition of highschool.

"What is love, baby don't hurt me."

Isn't that something we are all scared of when falling "in love." Love is a confusing thing, but at the same time it is so simple. So simple that the world needs to complicate, twist, and manipulate it. Love is so much more than what the world makes it seem. Love is something that can make miracles happen. Someone close to me had this to say about love. "Love is caring about the happiness, needs, and even wants of someone else before your own. A bond that gets you through the hard times and makes the good times better. A feeling that has to be nurtured and cared for with tenderness and compassion or it will die. Being able to tell someone what they need to hear, not just what they want to hear, without having to fear the repercussions. Seeing someone for who they are and wanting to be with them anyway. It gives you the highest highs and can also give you the lowest lows. It is passionate, alive, scarlet, demanding, and worthy of sacrifice. It is more often imitated and may not always be returned."